Raised in a Catholic convent where he was fed only corndogs, Grapenuts ™, Malt-O-Meal ®, and uncooked rice, Sergeant Robert Sargenti escaped in desperation at the ripe age of 6.
He then began tinkering with circuitry, gizmos, whatchamacallits, thingamajigs, and doohickies. You may now rent these bizarre devices from him in an effort to help support this poor man's sick habits and morally depraved endeavors.
No need to read any more self-righteous and gratuitous biographising. Choose an instrument from our selection below!
There is a $50 refundable damage deposit on all instruments.
Staying for a week or longer? Let's make a deal!
(Oh, did I mention? These services are just for the Hāna area!)
Braddah Uke Tenor - $15.00/day
Made of 100% endangered cypress, and ivory inlay, this highly illegal instrument doesn't sound particularly remarkable, but will probably get you arrested.
Honu Print Soprano Uke - $15.00/day
Currently on display in the cathedral of San Giovanni Battista, this uke has been preserved since 1578, and is said to have been Jesus' personal uke.
Fluke Uke - $15.00/day
This uke is peculiarly-shaped. Just. Like. You.
Samick Classical - $20.00/day
Adorned with nylon strings, you are just $20 away from a tango on the beacho...
Western Style - $20.00/day
Maui may not strike you as the wild west, but if you think about it, you can't get any more wild, and you can't get any more west... So, holo holo as a solo paniolo.
Vintage Kay Kraft 4-String Tenor Banjo - $20.00/day
Temporarily unavailable; undergoing further restoration.
Baby Taylor BT1 - $20.00/day
Shhh... Don't wake up the baby.
Washburn Acoustic - $20.00/day
What can I say about this guitar that hasn't already been said about Valhalla? Probably not much.
Violin - $15.00/day
Domestic Violins is not the answer, man. That's why I'm offering this exotic Cecilio with a shiny black finish. Whether you're ripping out a celeritous jig, or competing against satan for your soul, this should do the trick.
Ibanez Classical - $20.00/day
Acoustic-electric, classical with cutaway and nylon strings; this dreamy piece of shit is sure to make everybody's day better.
Seagull Acoustic - $20.00/day
Features: 5
Quality: 1
Value: 5
Overall: 5
Appalachian Mountain Dulcimer - $20.00/day
Mmmm... *sniff* *sniff*
This unsuspecting mountain dulcimer is medium-bodied and saucy, but racy acidity stabilizes this 4-stringed wonder. Dense-like characters make it perfect for cellaring, however it is playable straight away once you expose it to the earth’s atmosphere. This has been matured for 75 months. A little on the bitter-side, but has a great mouth feel. 95 points.
Have broken things? No problem, I will fix them. I have no experience or tools, but I'll get the job done quickly, and almost certainly unaffordably.
Justin, Orion and Xander playing my homemade instruments. The guitar is an oil pan and cymbal. The fiddle is a cigar box, ukulele neck with fingerboard, and tailpiece from wood flooring. The ukulele is a cigarbox with steel strings in a mandolin tuning.
Sgt. Sargenti fashioned the surfboard into a functioning electric guitar! Click to view the video.
A collection of instruments I've brought back from the dead.
A sorcerer of solder! An enchanter of circuitry! This gallery is a demonstration of how I've used my powers for good.
Watch as this talentless patchouli-braised bliss ninny haphazardly frets around on a poorly held ukulele. Only $15/day and you too can go to the Friday night drum circle and impress absolutely no one at all.
If you're going to be living in a converted Astro at Baldwin and eating out of the trash, do it in style. We have the smallest, most-expensive selection of instruments on the island.
My site isn't advertised anywhere. How did you even get here?
There is a plethora of instructional videos available on YouTube in the likely event that you suck.